Thursday, November 20, 2014

Update on my Life - November 2014

It has been three weeks, and it still isn't real. I know he is gone, but at the same time, I know he is here.

The garage is almost empty, I gave his son all of his tools - he especially wanted them because of all the work they did together using those tools. For me, other than specific tools that Mike bought for me (and his drill), I would rather just buy myself new tools.

The kids went through the Monopoly games (he collected them)choosing the ones they wanted and the music boxes. I am waiting on deciding on what of the remaining items I want to keep.

I had to give away the majority of the cake pans because I don't think I will be making elaborate cakes in the future. That was a "him & me" hobby that I don't think I can continue by myself.

For the most part, I have been trying to get all the required paperwork & stuff done - it is simply amazing how much you have to do after someone passes. I haven't found anywhere that gives someone a true list of what you need to do when someone passes. I can find a lists that stated things you have to check out - credit cards, Social Security, cars, insurance, etc - but not a list of the more unusual things. Stuff like: Veterans benefits for wife, COBRA, transferring remaining FSA funds, etc. Maybe I should create that list....

Immediate plans for the future is buying a new smaller house and then selling this house (it is WAY to big for me and holds too many memories). After that, I don't know - maybe starting a business (though I don't know what). I so know that I probably want to find a grief group,and then maybe a church - though most churches are "too religious" for me.

Suggestion & requests for files always welcome.



  1. I am so sorry for your loss Judy. It is so very hard to loose someone we love & only time will help heal the hurt you are feeling. My heart goes out to you & I will keep you in my prayers. Sometimes the human resources can be of help & tell you what you need to do to sort everything out. God Bless. Kathy

  2. Judy,
    So sorry for your loss. When I lost my daughter in 2010 friends told me that there were list available on several websites. Among them AARP, consumer reports and funeral homes. Search for 'lists of items to do when love one dies'.

    Take care of yourself. Time will lessen the pain.

  3. So sorry to hear of your loss. Take your time when making decisions. Grief is very hard on you and everyone has a little bit of a different path they take when grieving.....there are a lot of us that support you out here in internet land....

  4. I went through this almost 5 years ago and my advice is not to make big decisions for at least a year - maybe two. I didn't sell my too-big house and I'm glad I didn't. It is "home" to my son and when my sister retires, she is going to move from out-of-state in with me - should be fun having her here.

    Sit in "his" chair - it is better than seeing it sit empty and you might feel connected to him still - like he has his arms around you.

    Give "time" time to heal your wounds. It took 4 years before I felt like my life was normal again - before I could talk about him without crying - before the survivor's guilt ceased.

    As for the cakes, don't be hasty - you might decide you want to do them again one day.


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